To the asshat that stole my wallet

Dear Asshat.

I just want to say with as much sarcasm as possible that I really appreciate you stealing my wallet and ultimately the entire contents of my life. On the surface, I don’t really blame you. It’s my fault for going out to celebrate a friends’ success and for having a few drinks and dancing. The nerve of me to do so! Also, it’s a nice wallet, the perfect size – not too big not too small – and really good quality leather. Just to give you some info incase you were wanting to sell it; it’s from Europe and handmade and retails for around $400. I’ve kept it in good condition so you should be able to see some profit for it on ebay – hey you can use my credit card to set up a pay pal account! Also, I hope that $200 in cash that I had in there treated you well. I hope it covered the cost of your cab ride back to Oakville or Markham or wherever hail from as well as treated you and your asshat friends to some drinks and late night shwarma.

I hope you had fun with my credit card too. I just managed to pay it off and by the time I cancelled it the next day I see that you managed to rack up around $500 in charges. That’s awesome! Good for you! You seem like quite the cunning character so I bet you will have no problem figuring out my PIN for my bank account.

I also wanted to thank you for taking my health card, my citizenship card, and my student card. I don’t really plan on getting sick or getting hit by a car anytime soon so it’s really of no use to me right now. And my citizenship card, well I won’t be traveling anywhere now that I have no money so that’s no biggie either. Hey, it only takes about 12 – 15 months to replace that card and I wanted to thank you for forcing that on me. I’ll use this time to catch up with all of my friends and family within at 5 km radius of where I live since that’s as far as I can really walk. Also my student card is no big deal, The University of Toronto is known to be the easiest bureaucracy to navigate so I should have no problem at all replacing it with no other forms of identification on me.

Also, enjoy the Beirut concert at the Horseshoe next Wednesday. There are two tickets in the centre flap that I bought for myself and as a present for my boyfriend. I would be much obliged if you could send me a review of the show since I won't be attending seeing as the show is now sold out.

Oh and just to let you know, I’ve amassed almost 30,000 points on the Shoppers Optimum card that was in the second flap so please do go get yourself some Axe deodorant, on me.

Sincerely,

Olgs

Therapy

To Whom This May Concern; (and it really only concerns one person that I must deal with on a professional basis);

I would be much obliged if you could please go fuck yourself. Thank you.

Sincerely,

Olgs

Expletive

1. I kind of want to hide under a rock or disappear into a cave and fall asleep until May. I don't really get along with winter all too well and it's impending appearance is making me a little agitated.

2. The new job is a little hard on the psyche. How do you tell someone that they have to shell out over five grand to fix their face when they are living on less than $500 a month. "Sorry sir, do you have an inconsequential organ you can sell to repair the damage you sustained while incarcerated and tortured in a Middle Eastern prison?"

3. I am Debbie Downer today.

Deep Thoughts

1. Last night I attended a little soiree in honour of the (potential) future Prime Minister of Canada; Michael Ignatieff. Before you judge, I was there to support some friends who have shed the shackles of academia and employment in pursuit of lofty political dreams and have found themselves a part of Ol’ Iggy’s entourage. The man of the hour presented his diaphanous diatribe with about as much charisma as a popsicle stick and raised some red flags – and I don’t mean of the Liberal kind.

With much conviction he declared that we “must recognize the nation of Quebec as such – as a nation; a distinct nation of people”. With national recognition being a fundamental part of the State building process (see Article 3 of the Montevideo Convention on the Rights and Duties of States), does this not then provide dangerous fuel for the engine of separatism?

2. Why in heck does Tim Hortons not take Interac?

Is it fashion week yet?

The venue:



The models:



The madness:



And it's not even fashion week...
Confirmed: L'Oreal Fashion week x2; Montreal Fashion week x1. Hopefully more to follow!

4th of July

1. I interviewed a man today who had been incarcerated at Iran’s notorious Evin prison. A year and a half of his life was spent there in solitary confinement on charges such as propaganda, propagating dissent, and espionage. He sat across from me sipping his tea while his wife joked through an interpreter about waiting for her husband to come home from work.

1.2 If I ever complain about anything ever again I give you all permission to smack me upside the head.

1.3 Yes, I got a new job.

2. Fashion week, smashion week; the castings have commenced. Anorexia or bust!