To the asshat that stole my wallet
Dear Asshat.
I just want to say with as much sarcasm as possible that I really appreciate you stealing my wallet and ultimately the entire contents of my life. On the surface, I don’t really blame you. It’s my fault for going out to celebrate a friends’ success and for having a few drinks and dancing. The nerve of me to do so! Also, it’s a nice wallet, the perfect size – not too big not too small – and really good quality leather. Just to give you some info incase you were wanting to sell it; it’s from Europe and handmade and retails for around $400. I’ve kept it in good condition so you should be able to see some profit for it on ebay – hey you can use my credit card to set up a pay pal account! Also, I hope that $200 in cash that I had in there treated you well. I hope it covered the cost of your cab ride back to Oakville or Markham or wherever hail from as well as treated you and your asshat friends to some drinks and late night shwarma.
I hope you had fun with my credit card too. I just managed to pay it off and by the time I cancelled it the next day I see that you managed to rack up around $500 in charges. That’s awesome! Good for you! You seem like quite the cunning character so I bet you will have no problem figuring out my PIN for my bank account.
I also wanted to thank you for taking my health card, my citizenship card, and my student card. I don’t really plan on getting sick or getting hit by a car anytime soon so it’s really of no use to me right now. And my citizenship card, well I won’t be traveling anywhere now that I have no money so that’s no biggie either. Hey, it only takes about 12 – 15 months to replace that card and I wanted to thank you for forcing that on me. I’ll use this time to catch up with all of my friends and family within at 5 km radius of where I live since that’s as far as I can really walk. Also my student card is no big deal, The University of Toronto is known to be the easiest bureaucracy to navigate so I should have no problem at all replacing it with no other forms of identification on me.
Also, enjoy the Beirut concert at the Horseshoe next Wednesday. There are two tickets in the centre flap that I bought for myself and as a present for my boyfriend. I would be much obliged if you could send me a review of the show since I won't be attending seeing as the show is now sold out.
Oh and just to let you know, I’ve amassed almost 30,000 points on the Shoppers Optimum card that was in the second flap so please do go get yourself some Axe deodorant, on me.
Sincerely,
Olgs
I just want to say with as much sarcasm as possible that I really appreciate you stealing my wallet and ultimately the entire contents of my life. On the surface, I don’t really blame you. It’s my fault for going out to celebrate a friends’ success and for having a few drinks and dancing. The nerve of me to do so! Also, it’s a nice wallet, the perfect size – not too big not too small – and really good quality leather. Just to give you some info incase you were wanting to sell it; it’s from Europe and handmade and retails for around $400. I’ve kept it in good condition so you should be able to see some profit for it on ebay – hey you can use my credit card to set up a pay pal account! Also, I hope that $200 in cash that I had in there treated you well. I hope it covered the cost of your cab ride back to Oakville or Markham or wherever hail from as well as treated you and your asshat friends to some drinks and late night shwarma.
I hope you had fun with my credit card too. I just managed to pay it off and by the time I cancelled it the next day I see that you managed to rack up around $500 in charges. That’s awesome! Good for you! You seem like quite the cunning character so I bet you will have no problem figuring out my PIN for my bank account.
I also wanted to thank you for taking my health card, my citizenship card, and my student card. I don’t really plan on getting sick or getting hit by a car anytime soon so it’s really of no use to me right now. And my citizenship card, well I won’t be traveling anywhere now that I have no money so that’s no biggie either. Hey, it only takes about 12 – 15 months to replace that card and I wanted to thank you for forcing that on me. I’ll use this time to catch up with all of my friends and family within at 5 km radius of where I live since that’s as far as I can really walk. Also my student card is no big deal, The University of Toronto is known to be the easiest bureaucracy to navigate so I should have no problem at all replacing it with no other forms of identification on me.
Also, enjoy the Beirut concert at the Horseshoe next Wednesday. There are two tickets in the centre flap that I bought for myself and as a present for my boyfriend. I would be much obliged if you could send me a review of the show since I won't be attending seeing as the show is now sold out.
Oh and just to let you know, I’ve amassed almost 30,000 points on the Shoppers Optimum card that was in the second flap so please do go get yourself some Axe deodorant, on me.
Sincerely,
Olgs
posted by Olgs at
2:48 PM
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